can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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