Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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