I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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