Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
