WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
