if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
