that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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