All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
