I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
