Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize