From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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