he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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