the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
