i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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