I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize