She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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