So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
