1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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