I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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