I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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