I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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