I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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