You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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