I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
