Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize