Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
