dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
