): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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