Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
