my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
