I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I love you. Go after that dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
