Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
