Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
