Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
