i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
