k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize