You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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