it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
