I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
