we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
