ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
