Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
