summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
