fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
