Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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