I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my sisters under your porch take her home
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
