So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
