Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
