The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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