blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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