Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
