He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
