6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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