I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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