i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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