i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
