guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
