She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
