Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
