Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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