Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
