My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
