...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
